My Body

This is a bit of a different post for me.  In a sentence, I am not happy with my body.  To be honest, there have been very few times in my life when I have been.  I was bullied throughout school for being skinny, which by default meant I was ‘anorexic’ or ‘bulimic’, neither of which were true, I just couldn’t put weight on.  I blame all my nervous energy, which was later diagnosed as Panic Disorder at 17.  Obviously being bullied meant the whole thing was a vicious circle and no weight was every gained…

At the age of 20, I decided to pay for a personal trainer to help me gain weight, this included a full eating plan etc. but eating steak or spaghetti bolognese for breakfast was neither appetising, nor doable.  I did gain some muscle, and definitely looked more toned, but was still skinny.

This picture was taken at a shoot when I was training regularly.

Source: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/healthy-living/Pages/height-weight-chart.aspx

As soon as I met my partner, Andrew, three years ago, the pounds flew on, I was finally happy.  Unfortunately, I am still not happy with my figure.  I’m 5’2 and in the pictures, I weigh 9 stone 1.  I look short and dumpy, and I am morphing into a pear.  According to the NHS Height Weight Chart, I am a ‘healthy weight’, but on the higher end of the scale, a few more pounds and I will be classed as being ‘overweight’, which does concern me.  Generally, the last few times I have weighed myself, I have weighed between 9 stone and 9 stone 3.

The photos below have not been edited, I have simply cropped them.  I’m wearing no make-up, I have dirty hair and I’m not wearing fake tan…not my most flattering looks.

In all honesty, what the scales say wouldn’t bother me, if I was happy with how I look.  I finally have boobs, which I thought would never happen, and I’d rather not lose those…but I want my flat stomach back and I really want slimmer hips and thighs.  A lot of my clothes no longer fit me.  In jeans I’m a solid 10 in forgiving shops, I no longer shop in Topshop as I feel awful after trying on, I’d probably say I’d be a 12-14 in there.   This from the girl who squealed in excitement when they started to stock size 4- finally something that would fit my minuscule frame.  My top half is an 8-10, depending on fabric.

I’ve decided to stop whining about it, and actually do something about it, which links back to my New Years Resolutions, to get back to a size 8.  This means not only will I be happier in my own skin, but I can start wearing my nice clothes again, as I don’t have the money to replace them anymore.

I need to start making use of my gym membership, and I plan on going at least 3 times a week.  I’m not prepared to set myself up for failure, so saying I will go 6 days out of 7 is neither motivating nor doable.  I plan to drink less alcohol, and ban takeaway…the McDonalds on New Years day was an exception…some things are required to cure a hangover.

I will be posting updates on my progress, including photo’s over the coming weeks, most likely a weekend, where I can get flu length pictures in daylight.

If any of you have any tips or words of encouragement, they’d be greatly received.

Lauren x

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