Getting Personal – Panic Disorder

Living with panic disorderThere seems to be somewhat of a divide between bloggers regarding personal posts. Some are open books and will share all their life experiences with you, others are far more private and choose not to share personal posts. In my opinion, I’m cool with whatever you decide. At the end of the day its your blog, your piece of the internet, therefore its entirely at your discretion as to what you share.

I have shared some personal snippets on my blog, and I really wanted to share my experience of panic disorder, but over my four years blogging, I’d never felt able to share, mainly because talking about it was a trigger for me for many years. I was also worried I’d be judged and that people would presume I was only talking about it because its become ‘popular’ and ‘trendy’ to have a mental health issue. So many bloggers have shared their personal experiences, and I think this is fantastic in a drive to remove the stigma that surrounds mental health issues. However, I started to feel like everyone was writing about it, and therefore people might think I was making it up. I think one thing that really put me off was the cushion on sale by ASOS which had “I can’t keep calm, I have an anxiety disorder” emblazoned across the front, to me this was confirmation that it had become ‘trendy’ and as someone who has suffered from this debilitating illness, it’s not something to consider cool.

I decided that instead of writing a post about panic disorder, something I could potentially save in my drafts and continually edit until I had perfected it, to actually make a YouTube video about when my panic disorder started, how it affects me, and how it made me feel. Talking to the camera about it made it feel more personal and as if I was really sharing with the world. I posted the video a couple of weeks ago now, and to be honest, I’ve not received a lot of feedback on it. I’ve had a couple of individuals tell me how proud they are of me for being brave and sharing, which did make it feel like a worthwhile thing to do.

My hope was that others suffering would take my advice not to suffer in silence, realise it’s not normal to feel that way, and therefore seek help. I left the video open to allow fellow sufferers to contact me should they wish, but I haven’t heard anything.

The point of this post I guess was that it made me question whether or not it was actually worth opening up and sharing something so personal, something that you can see from the video still affects me emotionally just to speak about. To be honest I’m not sure I will share another post or video on personal matters.

How do you feel about getting personal on your blog? Do any of you suffer from anxiety disorders?

Lauren xx

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14 Comments

  1. Caroline
    April 12, 2016 / 9:15 pm

    It makes me sad that your video hasn’t had much interaction, as I was completely blown away by it, as I had no idea and I found it interesting and so so brave of you to do.
    Though, like I said to you, you don’t know who has watched it and not felt like they could comment, but have maybe had a sense of a little relief from it.
    In answer to your questions, I think it’s always down to personal/individual taste as to whether/what you share, you shouldn’t feel pressured to, as it’s your space and you call the shots, but, if you, for a sense of closure, or for the thought of helping someone, it feels like the right thing to do then do it.
    I’ve um’d and ah’d for the last couple of years about sharing my thought son losing my parents, and having a baby.. But, I decided against it, as i couldn’t work out how to write it without ‘drowning on’ and I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me.

    Caroline.x

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      April 12, 2016 / 9:39 pm

      Thanks Caroline. Your feedback meant a lot to me and still does so thank you. You’re so right though, someone may not feel able to talk about it without being a trigger like it was for me.

      I completely agree that it’s entirely a personal decision as to what and if to share. It’s taken me 4 years so I certainly didn’t rush into it. I’m sure you wouldn’t sound like you’re ‘drowning on’. Only share if you’re entirely comfortable. I don’t think it’s worth the stress if not!

      Lauren xx

  2. April 14, 2016 / 9:03 am

    I don’t have panic disorder but I have generalised anxiety which comes with panic attacks every now and then. I’ve been trying to practise relaxation but it’s hard. The worst part is that it doesn’t really have a trigger, some days I just feel super anxious and anything will tick me over.

    This is so off topic but you look so beautiful in your video and I admire your courage for putting yourself out there. X

    Sally – DiagonSally

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      April 16, 2016 / 3:41 pm

      It’s awful when you can’t identify your trigger. I had a similar experience last year when I went on holiday with my friend, nothing in particular looked to be a ‘trigger’ but I had one of the worst episodes I’ve had in a long time. Thanks Sally xx

  3. kate
    April 14, 2016 / 9:13 am

    Well done Lauren xx I’m a sister of a sibling that felt like they couldn’t talk to anyone and we lost them five years ago now x it’s so brave of you to open up you should be proud of yourself xxxxxx

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      April 16, 2016 / 3:42 pm

      Hi Kate, I’m so sorry to hear that, I hope my sharing will encourage people to talk about it, especially those that don’t feel able to. Thank you so much for comment. xxx

  4. April 22, 2016 / 1:31 pm

    I really hope that you writing and sharing your video will bring awareness to the subject and you are right, for a while, it did seem like it was “the cool thing to say” – It is in no way shape or form like that. You are brave. Sending love.
    Bee | QueenBeady.com

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      April 24, 2016 / 7:00 pm

      Thanks Bee, I really appreciate that xx

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      April 29, 2016 / 9:35 pm

      Thanks so much Bee, I really hope so too xx

  5. Martin Milan
    June 28, 2016 / 12:00 am

    As someone who knows Lauren personally (we used to work together), I have to say that this came as something of a surprise – proof if needed that these sort of thing can happen to absolutely anyone. I know Lauren as a bubbly, confident young woman – the sort of person who is the centre of the conversation.

    What you’ve done here Lauren is amazing, and took a lot of guts… I hope people who need to see this get the opportunity. Incredibly candid.

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      July 1, 2016 / 8:15 pm

      Thanks Martin, that really means a lot 🙂

  6. Becs
    July 9, 2016 / 10:26 pm

    What you describe from 14:14 – 15:14, I’m sorry you had to go through that. it’s not something that anyone should go through. Well done for doing such a great job of talking about it. x

  7. March 2, 2018 / 8:09 pm

    I think you’re so brave to talk about it. I personally suffer from anxiety and I’m still struggling with finding the confidence to stand up for myself when something is making me anxious instead of just suffering through it and pretending like everything is normal. I hate the way anxiety has been made mainstream because I feel like people just think I’m being ‘cute’ when I said I’m feeling anxious and compare it to being shy. I am shy, that is true, but there is a difference between being shy and being socially anxious. x

    • by Lauren Jane
      Author
      March 5, 2018 / 9:28 am

      Thank you Hannah. Make sure you talk to someone about it, I think talking really helps xxx

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